A plain-language look at Heinz Kohut’s Self Psychology, and why the way we learned to manage our emotions shapes so much of our lives.

I said goodbye to a good friend yesterday, my dog Gabriel. Gabers was a bi-color (black and white) sheltie. A herding dog which meant that he would run around other animals (read people and especially kids) and try to concentrate them into a cohesive group. When I would watch him do this I often thought

Life has intruded in a big way this past week.  The flurry of things that demanded attention ranged from the serious and sad to the shallow and profane.  A friend who had no real warning went into a coma and died within a week.  She did not have a chance to contemplate her death nor

Most of us assume that others around us think pretty much the way we do. This simple fact is evidenced by a parent saying to their child “what were you thinking? This statement implies that you believe that the child follows the same logic as you but for some unexplained but knowable reason has deviated

I speak to many adults who talk a lot about their “inner child” or “wounded child.” These terms are pretty pervasive in the self-help literature and most people know what they think they mean when they use them.  Some of my professional friends have studied a framework called IFS (Internal Family Systems) the terminology they

Anxiety and depression are the most commonly diagnosed psychological disorders.  While that statement in and of itself is not earth-shattering the statement that the overwhelming majority of treating professionals do not understand the difference may very well be. On a recent episode of the Psych with Mike podcast Brett and I discussed the difference between

Me…. Family…. Clan…. Tribe…. Nation The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. I am me, but I am also us. I am a part of a larger whole, consisting of my community and its values. There are many levels of community and people generally tend to increase the overlapping waves of community

No one ever went to see a therapist because they had a problem. That is a bold statement but it is true. People go to therapy because a problem they have causes them to be emotionally dysregulated. If you can emotionally regulate then you can deal with any problem no matter how large. If you

Counter Transference I had an interesting discussion with a colleague the other day.  This colleague was talking about a client that he was having trouble liking.  According to him, this client triggered an immediate dislike and aversion whenever they came into the office.  So he asked me, “Ethically, what should I do if I don’t

Depression or Anxiety? Often it is Both Many people suffer from what are called co-morbid conditions. That means that there are at least two different conditions and that an individual may suffer from both of them at the same time. This is often true of the disorders called depression and anxiety. Generally, one condition masks